It breaks my heart

It hurts me and it’s troubling to get a call from Mama telling me she’s not sure of where she is. My sisters and I had to move her into Assisted Living in June and it’s a marvelous home!! She sometimes is unsure of where she is and has even mentioned being at the beach or at the Aero Club where my sisters and I learned to swim as children. The Aero Club has been torn down for many years now, however it’s obvious Mama remembers spending many hours there. And that she did! Whether it was to take us girls to our swimming lessons, to sitting on Santa’s lap at Christmas or possibly the family swimming we did on some Friday nights. Those swims were always followed by dinner at the Char Broiler on SE Powell now the Original Taco House.

I talked her through where she was and that she had been there since June and really liked her new apartment & friends. She was relieved although still confused. Then came the “where is my car” question. She still thinks she has a car and can drive although that hasn’t been a factor for a long time. My sisters and I periodically get these calls so we’re used to them however the sadness on our part always follows.

We all had a great time at my sister Rita & her husband Chuck’s yesterday for Thanksgiving and she did remember that so that was good to hear. She remembered the birthdays we also celebrated however not the name’s of her grandchildren who were having the birthdays or who they ‘belonged’ to.  She’s just so ‘fragmented’ so much of the time that hearing any anxiety in her voice tears my heart out. And who’s anxiety level wouldn’t escalate if they didn’t know where they were, how they got there or when and who was going to take them home? Even though she is home, her new home. She really does like it there and loves the staff and people who live there so that makes us all feel good about our choice. None of us, daughters, sons-in-laws, grandchildren or friends from the past want her to feel ANY anxiety. So we all do our best to calm her when she calls and is “lost.”

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